Unbearable
by LoveHGSS
Summary: Starts off at the beginning of New Moon. Disregard anything and everything after the first bit of New Moon, including Jacob. This is my take on what should have happened. Jasper/Bella. Please heed the rating. Dark Jasper. Story for diamond-helen.


Starts off at the beginning of New Moon. Disregard anything and everything after the first bit of New Moon, including Jacob. This is my take on what should have happened. Jasper/Bella. Please heed the rating. Dark Jasper. Story for diamond-helen.

This is probably pretty AU and OOC.

This is a story for my lovely friend and fellow author, diamond-helen. If you haven't read her stuff, I highly recommend you do. As reviewer 900 on Left Alone, to be Together, she issued me the prompt of Jasper/Bella (or Alice), M rating, and fireworks. This is what my lovely muse came up with. I do hope that she, and everyone else, enjoys it. Happy reading!

**Warning – 18 and over. Sexual content.**

Unbearable. The feel of it was such that Jasper Whitlock's last shred of control fell to the ground and burst into flames. _So unbearable_! Venom pooled into his mouth as his deadly teeth clenched to the point where he thought the enamel would crumble into nothing but dust. And then there they were, holding him back. He paid no attention to the fact that they were his surrogate family; all he cared about was getting that unbearable urge to cease. There wasn't a single thing in his life that he'd wanted more.

Emmett had been the one to drag him away. Only once Jasper was a few hundred paces from the house did he finally snap out of it. Emmett allowed Jasper to stand on his own and Emmett witnessed the horror that washed over Jasper's face as his eyes retraced the drag marks on the forest floor. With vampire speed, Jasper took off, clamping his hand over his mouth and nose as if it'd actually do any good. Emmett shook his head in defeat and let him go, knowing that Edward and Alice would be going after him soon enough.

Jasper felt bile rising in his throat, but somehow couldn't find an emotion that could describe the feelings he knew he _should_ be feeling. He'd always held it together so well around them. He'd never once slipped up in his thoughts when Edward was within hearing range. He'd never – not a _single_ time – allowed anyone to comprehend the bloodlust he felt when around Bella. He scoffed to himself when he brought Edward's feelings on the matter to the forefront of his mind.

"Weak," Jasper muttered as he continued to run, knowing the other's would be following any second now. "Fucking weak."

He knew, without a doubt, that if any of them felt even a portion of the bloodlust he's felt for her, she would have been dead the moment her plane set down in Washington. While he'd never taken any of them for idiots, they surely weren't the most intuitive. Edward unknowingly took every thought Jasper had at face value without second thought. He'd never once planned to act on his basic instincts, therefore Alice would never have a vision of him doing such.

Jasper rolled his topaz eyes when he thought on it a little more before deciding to slow to allow Edward and Alice to catch up. Had he not clearly proven himself when they had torn James apart? Did he not show them that he could easily be in the same room as a bleeding human without losing focus? For people of well above average intelligence, they certainly erred on the side of extreme caution rather than using their brains sometimes. Admittedly, the collective thirst and the quantity of her delectable blood filling a very small room had been his undoing.

With one last deep breath that exhaled into an irritated sigh, Jasper slowed and slumped his shoulders, taking on the role he knew he had to play in order to stay within their good graces for another brief time. A shiver ran down his spine as a trace amount of her blood carried its way to his flared nostrils. Could Edward truly be stupid enough to be running to the man who nearly tried to kill his so-called love, with her blood still staining his clothes? It sure seemed that way. Jasper projected a mixture of severe grief mixed with his heaviest regret, and nearly laughed as Edward immediately changed mindsets.

The thought of having to pretend for any long seemed…unbearable.

Unbearable. The feel of it made Jasper's skin crawl. The guilt of leaving Bella behind to suffer while they thrived elsewhere was too much for him to take. While clearly aware of the fact that it hadn't been his decision to leave, he hadn't put up any kind of fight as to why they should stay. As the weeks wore on, he couldn't hide his discontent any longer. And so it was a stormy day in July that Alice kissed Jasper and sent him on his way, not even batting an eyelash when she told him she understood it'd be the last time they were to ever be anything more than friends.

Not knowing exactly what she meant, he shrugged it off and sped to the London airport, his mind focused solely on one thing – Bella. His irrationality was cause for concern, but Alice had told the rest of the Cullens that everything would eventually fall into place. And no one ever second guessed Alice. Thankfully, Edward was too far away to read her mind when she saw her latest vision, but she smirked and kept it well hidden from everyone else. She'd known this day was going to come for some time, but she didn't dare stop him. It was the right choice…or so she hoped.

The moment Jasper hit American soil, he opted out of his connecting flight and ran from Atlanta to Forks in less than a few hours. He stopped only to hunt, wanting to be at his strongest for when he was in the presence of Bella and her delicious blood. It was nearly eight at night when he made it to her house, and sudden nerves caused the hair on his arms to rise. He paced along the side of the house, trying to figure out what exactly he was going to say to her. He didn't have long to think, because the waft of pure perfection tickled his nostrils, telling him that she was fast approaching.

"Bella."

He smelled her before he heard her footsteps in the damp grass. Those footsteps immediately discontinued when he uttered her name. He could _feel_ her. Her eyes locked onto him, shifting up and down as if trying to convince herself he was actually there. Her heart was racing, pumping that exquisite blood through her oh-so-easy to break veins. He swallowed back a mouthful of venom. The amount of confusion rolling off her bothered him. What bothered him even more so was the fact that she was happy to see him.

"If you take another step forward, I might kill you," he warned.

Jasper had all but forgotten the smell of her. However, the fact that her heart was racing made it even harder to resist. He didn't know if his control was that solid.

"Jasper?"

The sound of her voice was farther than what he expected it to be. He turned towards it, but all he saw was a blockade of trees. He suddenly realized that it wasn't him she was expecting. Her emotions swirled but rested back to the two he had felt previously – confusion and happiness. He heard the clear sounds of footsteps and looked around for another person, not thinking Bella could be that stupid.

"I know you won't hurt me," Bella said as she finally came into view.

The next thing either knew, Jasper had Bella pinned against a tree fifty feet into the woods. His body held her in place, his hands leaving deep imprints into the bark on either side of her head. His face was nestled into the crook of her neck and he was smelling the entirety of it, his body nearly shaking with joy as her scent completely filled his sinuses. Jasper nearly shook when Bella's hands came up to grasp his sides, her hands fisting his dark blue shirt.

"I can't believe you're here," she whispered.

"Why aren't you trying to run? Why aren't you afraid?" he asked, the curiosity over her emotions being the only thing saving her life.

"I'm happy to see you," she admitted. "It's been months. And I was so worried about you."

Jasper's eyebrows came together and he leaned back enough to look her in the eyes. "Why were _you_ worried about_ me_?"

"I never got the chance to tell you that I wasn't mad at you. I know you must have been so upset."

Jasper laughed humorlessly. "The only thing I was upset about was the fact that I didn't get to you, not that I had tried to."

Bella stiffened and Jasper smirked. "I'm sorry about that, too."

"Why? Because now you'd be with Edward? Who is nothing but a coward?"

"No," Bella said, shaking her head and finally meeting his intense eyes, "because I'd be a vampire, which is all I wanted all along. Edward was… Edward. As much as I loved him, it wasn't just because of him. I've always been weird, off-balance, and I think I belong in the world that you all live in."

"I can make that happen," Jasper said with a knowing smile. "I can easily do that for you, Bella."

Her brown eyes widened. "You could?"

"I can't promise, but I'd be more than happy to try."

"What about Charlie?" she asked.

Jasper heaved out a sigh. "Who gives a fuck?" he growled. "Either you want this, or you don't, Bella."

Bella bit her bottom lip. Jasper's eyes followed the movement, a new interest peaking inside him.

"One thing first," she said, holding her head just a little higher.

While Jasper would have changed her regardless of her permission, the fact that she _wanted_ it made him feel a little more at ease about it. He raised his eyebrow at her, telling her to continue on with what she was planning to say.

"There's something I want to do before I'm turned into a blood-crazed newborn."

"Spit it out already!" Jasper snapped, never the patient one.

Bella's eyes widen slightly, as if she wasn't expecting to actually have to voice it. His focus was taken from her face when her emotions changed. A knowing smile spread across his lips until his teeth were showing.

"Sex?" he asked. "You want sex?"

Bella averted her eyes and nodded just ever so slightly.

"Oh, sweetheart, I can give you that," he said quietly, that deep southern accent much more pronounced in his voice. "But that's a little odd, isn't it? Wanting your ex's brother to fuck you? To deflower the virgin princess?"

Not having the nerve to look at him, she just shrugged her shoulders.

"You do know I'm not going to be as gentle as what Edward would have been, correct?"

"That's why I want it from you," she explained. "I'm tired of being treated like I'm going to break at any second."

Jasper chuckled. "Isabella, you _are_ so breakable. But I just don't give a damn."

Bella gasped as Jasper tore her shirt completely in halfway, the pieces of fabric landing on either side of her. Had he not been standing so close, she would have tried to cover herself as he repeated this action with her plain black bra. Too fast for her to see, Jasper removed all of his clothing. She stood there, gaping at the vampire god before her. He was lean but toned, the beautiful expanse of his stomach and hips begging for her touch. Before she could even fully comprehend what was going on, he was on his knees and removing her pants.

"Jasper, wait," she stuttered, sudden nerves filling her.

But he didn't wait. He knew what she was _really_ feeling, and once the nerves wore off, she'd be fine. When he stood up, his hands trailed the length of her legs, enjoying the warm, supple flesh beneath his fingertips. He watched her cheeks go pink as he made it to the apex of her thighs. His eyes widened in astonishment when she instantly spread her legs to accommodate his exploring fingers. He hissed when he parted her already damp folds, unexpectedly surprised by how wet she already was. He allowed himself a deep breath through his nose.

"You smell so good," Jasper blurted. "God, Bella, do you feel how wet you are?"

As if to prove his point, he slid a finger into her tight core. Bella let out a low moan, both taken aback by the intrusion and so turned on she thought she would orgasm right then. With vampire speed, he brought the digit from her pussy to his mouth, his eyes closing as he tasted her exquisite flavor. She huffed out a breath, frustrated from the sudden lack of contact. She barely had time to notice Jasper leaning in before his lips were on hers. He prodded open her mouth and she instantly met his adamant tongue, which held a mixture of that dazzle she had felt with Edward and her own juices. It was intoxicating.

Bella's hands reached out and she grasped Jasper's face, trying to tell him not to pull away. He obliged her silent request, genuinely interested in how warm her mouth felt around his tongue. He was bored with it after only a few minutes, though. Deciding to compromise, he continued his exploration of her soft body, from her legs to her hips to her breasts and back as he thoroughly kissed her. Bella eventually pulled away from him, having to turn her head in order to break the kiss. She heaved in a deep breath.

"I have to breathe," she reminded him.

"Oops," he said with a shrug, but he didn't sound the least bit sorry.

Without warning, Jasper hauled her into the air by her hips, fully expecting her to follow his silent instructions. He gave her an impatient look after a moment and Bella finally realized she was supposed to put her legs around him. She did so slowly, enjoying the feel of his smooth, cold hips caressing her legs as she wrapped them around him. She slung her arms about his neck and he pinned her against the tree, not caring that her back was pressed against the jagged bark.

"This is gonna hurt for a minute," he warned. "And I can't promise I won't bite you the second I smell your blood."

Bella licked her lips. "I'm okay with that."

"I'm going to change you immediately following, do you understand?" he asked.

"I understand," she replied, a slight waver to her voice.

"I can't promise I'll stop, though. This is a 50/50 kind of thing, Bella."

Bella nodded but didn't speak. Her heart pounded in her chest as Jasper lifted her higher in order to line his erection up to her needy core. He locked eyes with her and she gave him a short nod. Bella's pained whimper was loud in his ear as he slammed her down upon his cock, tearing almost violently through her barrier. Her fingers dug into his shoulders at the burn of being filled by his length. Jasper stopped breathing, but he could feel the blood mixing with her juices, and that alone was almost too much.

"Jasper," she groaned as he gripped her hips in his large hands. "That hurts."

"Sorry," he muttered, but didn't lessen his hold on her.

Jasper focused on the feel of her hot walls clenching around him, the warm liquid running down his shaft, and he was pleased at quickly she schooled her emotions. He mercifully sent her a small wave of pleasure that made the pain seem almost nonexistent and Bella involuntarily bucked her hips. A dark smirk appeared on his face and she suddenly felt a little unsure about what was going to happen next. Jasper wiped away any worry when nearly exited her incredible warmth, only to fill her back up.

"That feels good," she breathed out.

Jasper knew that if he replied to that, he would more than likely be tempted to breathe, and he wasn't ready to end their little tryst just yet. Not wanting to completely traumatize her, he kept a slow rhythm, allowing her to adjust a little to his size. He felt her start to relax around him, making it much easier to thrust in and out of her at a faster pace. He did so, much to Bella's approval. She moaned when he slammed into her a little harder than he meant to.

"Like that, huh?" he asked lowly.

Bella nodded.

"Yeah? You like it rough?" he growled. Bella winced when his hands tightened even more on her hips, but she couldn't stop the moan that left her. "Oh, you do. Good thing for you, darlin', because rough is all I know."

"Jasper," she cried out when he brought her down on him so hard it was sure to leave bruises on the inside of her thighs.

"Shit," he hissed, immediately letting go of her and grasping onto the tree, knowing that he probably would have easily broken her hipbones had he not of let go.

He took just a second to collect himself, the need for release and her blood making it nearly impossible for him to think straight. Bella stroked the back of his head and he took his hands away the tree, large chunks of bark falling from where he had placed them. Jasper clenched his jaw and slid his hands to the underside of her perfectly rounded ass. He dug his fingers in for a second before resuming their earlier pace. Bella's hands threaded into the back of his hair and he groaned when she gave it an experimental tug.

"Harder," he demanded. "You won't rip it out. I like it."

"Give me a reason to," she shot back.

"Oh, feisty Bella," he complimented. "Better hold on tight, sweetheart."

Bella made a strangled noise as Jasper took her harder and faster. The speed in which he was guiding her up and down his thick erection boarded on human and vampire speed. She shut her eyes, the blurring of the trees making her slightly nauseas. The moment her eyelids closed, it felt like a bomb went off her in her stomach. A million sensations exploded within her, and she yanked Jasper's hair so hard she was sure it would rip out.

"That's it," he encouraged. "Feel, Bella, just feel."

Jasper could feel Bella racing to the top of an explosive orgasm and he knew he wasn't going to be far behind. As much as he wanted to keep pounding into her tight, willing body, he wanted her blood even more. If he did it right, he might be able to take her again and again once she became like him. With that glimmer of hope in mind, he blasted her with a wave of desire and watched with wide eyes as she reacted.

A guttural shriek left her, her back arching and scrapping against the tree, but she didn't feel a thing other than white-hot pleasure course through her veins. Jasper's head was forced to go back as she pulled on his hair, her entire body clutching his like she was holding on for dear life. He felt her clamping down around him and a low growl rumbled in his throat.

"Now," he demanded. "Let go, Bella. Let go."

"Jasper!" she screamed, her body feeling as if it was on fire, a mixture of extreme pain and euphoria building to the point where she thought she might pass out.

Jasper ruthlessly thrust into her as she began trembling, the feelings she was projecting spurring him to not slow. Bella came around him and he'd never felt something so wonderful in all his life. Her slick walls tightened to an extreme and Jasper knew he wasn't going to last more than a few seconds. He clenched his jaw as her wetness increased tenfold, but he lost it when she screamed his name again. With a harsh groan, Jasper slammed into her one final time, coating her still-convulsing core with his release.

"Fuck," he moaned, the sensation of it making him nearly fall to his knees.

Bella's breathing was erratic and he suddenly felt a wave of pain radiate off her, making him cringe. He genuinely felt bad for hurting her, but he couldn't bring himself to regret a second of it. She took a deep breath and purposefully clenched her lower muscles. Jasper growled, a clear warning that he was still on-edge. She did it again.

"One more time and you're mine for good, Isabella," he said through gritted teeth.

"Promise?" she asked in a strained voice, trying not to let on just how much pain she was in.

Without giving him time to reply, she yanked his hair and clenched around him again. Within the length of a breath, his teeth sunk deep into the flesh of her neck. He moaned loudly while her mouth opened in a silent scream. Hot liquid poured into his mouth, the taste of it making his vision go red and his body shake with excitement. She tasted just as he always knew she would: perfect. He could practically feel the life draining from her, but he couldn't give two fuck's less. His hands balled into fists as her legs slackened and her heart slowed to almost a dead stop.

_**BOOM!**_

Jasper immediately pulled back, the sound breaking him out of the trance he was in. He swung around, fully expecting to see someone standing there with a gun.

_**SHHHHHHHH BOOM!**_

Bella's arm slid from around his neck and he suddenly remembered what he was doing. He cursed under his breath and laid her down on the damp forest floor, no longer caring about what was making the noise. He pressed his ear to her chest just in time to hear the faintest, slowest heartbeat. Without thought, he grabbed her left arm and bit into her wrist, pushing his venom into her veins without actually consuming any of her blood before repeating the same with her right arm.

Within seconds, her blood smelled different, until he almost couldn't smell it at all. It became more of a light perfume than a heavy fog. A smirk appeared on his face. He'd done it. He'd actually done it. Jasper scooped Bella up into his arms and ran to the first place he could think of. He barely made it to the edge of the tree line before another loud sound echoed throughout the forest. Dark had started to fall and a burst of color lit up the sky.

"Fireworks," he muttered to himself. "How fitting."

Jasper made it to the backdoor of the house when he heard a noise coming from inside, causing him to almost turn and run back into the forest.

"I'm here to help."

The voice reached him just as he turned on his heel. Jasper sighed.

"Carlisle," Jasper breathed out, a sudden relief washing over him. He looked at Bella's naked form and he felt like an ass for not covering her up.

"Do you need a moment?"

The words reached his ears and he suddenly panicked. Before he was able to ask, Carlisle was by his side and placing a large blanket around both Jasper and Bella. Carlisle guided a flabbergasted Jasper into the house and gently urged him to sit down, Bella still held tightly in his arms.

"I need to look at her," Carlisle explained softy as he placed a hand on Bella's neck.

Jasper nodded dumbly.

"Alice just told me you'd be changing her," he said as he cautiously took down some of the blanket covering Bella's chest. "Don't." Carlisle said the word just before Jasper was about to lash out because Carlisle was uncovering Bella's breasts. "Very good," he complimented. "Clean bites, though a little excessive on the first one. She seems to be in good condition. I'm proud of you, son."

Jasper met Carlisle's eyes for the first time. "I almost didn't stop," he confessed.

"When we meet our mates, it's nearly impossible to stop." Jasper raised his eyebrows. "Her blood does something to you that it shouldn't, correct?" Jasper nodded. "Alice explained it to me but was fairly vague on what else was going on. I came here because I thought you would probably need some help."

"Thank you," Jasper said, his eyes flickering to Bella's face. "You're sure she'll be alright?"

Carlisle smiled warmly and clasped his hand onto Jasper's shoulder. "I'm sure."

Jasper's eyebrows furrowed. "If she's my mate, then why wasn't she drawn to me the way she was drawn to Edward?"

"We may never know," Carlisle said with a sigh. "You were obviously unattainable and what drew her to Edward was probably that…what did she call it? Oh, right, vampire dazzle. Regardless, everything happens for a reason, and all that matters is that it's falling into place now."

"What if she wasn't prepared?" Jasper asked. "I didn't exactly allow her much time to think about it. I've just ruined her entire life."

Carlisle sighed. "Jasper, listen to me. You did _not_ ruin her life. This is what she's wanted from day one, remember? You're helping her start the life she wants."

Though he didn't look too convinced, Jasper nodded and focused on Bella's face, concern welling up inside of him. A succession of loud booms came from outside, causing him to tense. Sensing he was no longer needed, Carlisle patted Jasper's shoulder and quietly slipped off into another room.

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered to Bella's unconscious form. "I know this hurts. I'm going to help you through all of this, I promise."

He pulled her closer and tucked the blanket around her, his arms holding her limp body securely against his chest. He sat like that for three days. Carlisle was smart enough not to try and deter Jasper from doing such; he just checked up on them every few hours. Jasper only allowed Carlisle to lift Bella off him once he noticed a slight change in her skin tone.

"It's time," Carlisle informed him as he laid Bella out on a bed upstairs. "I'll give you a moment to dress her. I went early yesterday morning and retrieved some of her clothes. I told Charlie that we had come back to town but Bella had eaten some bad food and was pretty sick. He said it was fine she stayed here. We'll figure the rest out later."

"Thank you," Jasper whispered as Carlisle was leaving the room, genuinely appreciative of everything his surrogate father had done for him over the past few days.

Jasper slowly dressed Bella in a pair of dark jeans and a light t-shirt and even took the time to brush out her hair, which had become fuller and a deeper shade of brown. He quickly backed away from her when he felt her emotions come back to life, full force. Confusion. Understanding. Intrigue. He was waiting for the thirst, but it didn't come.

Bella opened her eyes and froze as a thousand little particles floated in front of her eyes. Next thing she knew, she was looking at a bookcase, able to see the tiniest of pores in the bindings of the books. It hadn't been a dream. Everything with Jasper, the pain, the darkness. It had all been real. She lifted her arm and noticed a small crescent moon shaped scar on her wrist. She suddenly heard the slightest rustle of fabric and she shot straight up.

Jasper stood before her, his skin covered in the same scars she had, his face the epitome of concern. He watched her take it all in, but he was downright terrified of what she was capable of doing to him if she was angry about being changed. He met her blood-red eyes and watched as a smirk appeared on her face. He barely had time to ready himself as she launched herself across the room, her arms and legs smoothly going around him. He braced himself for the attack, but it never came. He suddenly realized she was hugging him.

"Thank you," she whispered as she buried her face into his mop of blonde curls. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Jasper hesitantly wrapped his arms around Bella. "You're welcome. I was worried you were going to kill me."

Bella laughed and pulled back enough to meet his eyes. "Are you kidding?" she asked with a laugh. "I wanted this, Jasper. I wasn't lying. Now you're going to have to deal with me for a really long time. You know that, right?"

He briefly wondered where the sudden boldness on her part had come from, but he chose to ignore it. He quite liked it, in fact. "For as long as you'll have me," he replied, a warmth spreading through him as he looked into her newborn vampire eyes.

Bella's smile told him that she felt the same warmth that he did. "Forever seems like a good timeframe."

Jasper chuckled and nodded his agreement. Bella hugged him again and he grunted as she squeezed just a little too tightly.

"Oh, I like this," she said playfully. "You're the breakable one now."

Jasper knew that in the next few minutes, he was going to have to take her hunting, even though her lack of thirst was something he'd never seen. He had no idea what that meant, but he was definitely interested in finding out. According to Bella, they'd have forever to figure it out. Suddenly, nothing seemed quite so…unbearable anymore.

_A/N – Please take just a moment out to review! I always love to hear your thoughts on my stories! Thank you so much for reading!_


End file.
